Michelle, the Greatest?

 

I must place a disclaimer on this. I am not a hater…that much…anymore…

If you want to know what people are thinking just check facebook statuses. Last night the general consensuses was Michelle Obama was the greatest Black woman to ever breathe, every girl wanted to be her and every boy wanted to be her husband. I received text messages “Did you see Michelle’s speech”. Um no, I planned to. I really did. I turn on the television and all the pre-speech hype was getting annoying and not helping my already pissy moved. I just wanted to hear the woman speak and not commentators talking about what she might say. I turned off the television.

Sidebar: Did anyone see how BET covered the speech with Cousin Jeff, trying to pretend that it was a legitimate news channel?

Anyway, thanks to the wonders of On Demand by Comcast I got to watch the speech today. This is of course after the speech was hyped up by the commentators and my facebook groupies (friends) to be the greatest speech ever. I mean people claimed they cried over this thing.

The speech begins with her being introduced by her older brother, who shares those eerie sleepy eyes of hers that freak me out. He goes on to give cute childhood stories and how their family is the American Dream. Whatever, not impressed.

Michelle enters to give her speech to some great music. Her dress is fitting her well, showing her great shoulders. Her hair look phenomenal, someone actually convinced her to throw some perm on those edges. Even I can’t say anything negative about her appearance. Her speech was good, I guess. She got her point across, she doesn’t hate America, she loves Barrack, she is the American dream, she struggled, they are just like middle-America, and you should elect her husband. I guess her antidotes were cute and moving. I actually kind of feel bad I wasn’t moved by her speech like the rest of black America. Every radio station was biging her up like she was some black female savior.

“And as I tuck that little girl and her little sister into bed at night, I think about how one day, they’ll have families of their own. And one day, they – and your sons and daughters – will tell their own children about what we did together in this election. They’ll tell them how this time, we listened to our hopes, instead of our fears. How this time, we decided to stop doubting and to start dreaming.”

I swear she was talking to people like me when she said that. Because I am not sure how I feel about this hope thing. I am so afraid of Blacks and Americans putting so much hope in these people and being let down. They can’t possible live up to the hype around them. At the end of the day, they are politicians trying to get elected. I got caught up in “greatness” of Obama speech after the Rev. Wright controversy; he could no more disown Rev. Wright as he could the black community. Well he did, when the going got tough. I wish I could stop doubting and believing but it’s going to take more than a cute couple and two cute little girls to make me believe in this change. Sorry, I am not yet a believer. At the same time, I am so protective of them; I talk so much crap about them. I am the first to critique them, but don’t let Fox News, or anyone else talk about how unpatriotic and un-American she is, I am ready to fight. At the end of the day she is my sister and he is my brother. I can talk about them, but don’t anyone outside of the family try them.

I guess we shall see if this change is really possible.

Last thing is it just me or does it look like Michelle has tobacco or something in her mouth whenever she speaks.

30 days

Its almost 4 in the morning. What are you doing? I just got done eating ribs. St. Louis cut, I wish they were baby backs.  Pork is great at anytime. It’s how I keep my abs.

July 15^th I decided to give up alcohol for a month. This decision came after a fun night involving a bottle of rum, an empty stomach, love songs, a cell phone and no sleep. I can promise you this was an entertaining night, and will be documented in the autobiography (Working title: Give up now you will never be as Great as Tab). Well, let’s just say the next day after finally getting some sleep; I decided that maybe me and my good friend Mr. Liquor should take a break.

 

Anyway today marks one month since I removed Liquor from my life.

Yay!

 

I have been really good. I fought the temptation. Stayed sober. Didn’t slip once. Besides that one time that I had a sip of Moet. Just one or two sips… but champagne isn’t really liquor. Just like tuna isn’t really fish.

 

I saved some good money by not having a drink with every meal. I think I was planning my life around happy hour. Sad, I know…but also very fun.

 

Bring on the empty calories, Random kisses, spilling my soul, text messages that should have never been sent. Dancing on Table tops.  I’m ready for the Jesus juice!

 

Now, if only I can give up pork for 30 days…

What up Doc!

I hate going to the doctor. It freaks me out, I start believing I have some crazy aliment or they are going to tell me I’m going to die…tomorrow! Doctors are such freaks always poking people with needles, making me pee in cups and take off my clothes. It’s never a pleasant experience. Last year, my heart was nearly broken when my mother informed me that my pediatrician would no longer see me. I felt like a rejected lover, I thought me and this doctor had a bond, we had been together since I was born. Yes, I could no longer fit into the chairs at the office and kids keep asking me “Where’s your kid”, not knowing I was the patient. But I was comfortable at the pediatrician; they gave out smiley face band-aids, lollipops and I could catch up on the latest issue of “Highlights” magazine. It was hard letting go of this part of my life, but I figured that I did just graduate from college I should probably go to an adult doctor.

I had a funny feeling about my new doctor, some thing about the fact that my mom, dad, grand mom, grand dad and brother went to her didn’t sit well with me. My biggest concern was that she was a black woman ( I am not a hater, I love Black woman, When I grow up I’m going to be a Black women); it would be like talking to my mom/grand mom about personal issues. Weird. I feel like black woman are always judging me. Well the first time I went to see her, it was ok. I even overlooked the fact that I got a plain Band-Aid with no cartoons after they stole my blood for “samples”.

Fast forward to today. My second annual check up with this lady. The standard questions, whatever. She asks me what I am doing about my acne, and how great my skin used to be! (Damn, Damn, Damn Philadelphia for mutilating my beautiful face) That put me on edge, I’m a bit sensitive about my new found skin issues. But nevertheless I am still PRETTY. Then she asked me why I kept my hair low. “Because I am lazy, it’s easy”. This set homegirl off on this “Don’t you know that hair is a woman’s glory, you shouldn’t cut your hair, even a fro is better then that”. Really!!!!!! This my dear Tabians, would never happen if I went to a white doctor. Never. I told her I never know what to do with my hair when I grow it out. She replied “Wash it and pray about, God will tell you what to do with it”. In my mind I was thinking “(Female dog) did you just tell me to pray about my hair!” Again, one of the reason I hate that she is also the entire family doctor, she knows my dad is a pastor, so I stay calm and just nod and smile. I thought she was done. Then she decided to tell me “Because, really you look like a boy. If you weren’t so cute in the face I would think you were a boy, but boys aren’t that cute. You look like a boy from behind.” REALLY!!!!

1. How does she know that “the boy look”, wasn’t the look I was going for.
2. She obviously missed the donk in the back and the breast in the front. No one really was going to think I’m a dude.
3. I wasn’t even wearing boys clothes, this wasn’t “gay boy chic” day. It was casual Tab day.  I was wearing fitted red khakis, a white polo tee, earrings and a purse.
4. Did I ask her for her opinion about my hair?
5. Oh yea, WHAT IN THE WORLD DID THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MY CHECK UP.

 

Black people and their inappropriateness. We feel the need to get into everybody business. When I was in high school my assistant principal prayed for me in her office, to rid me of the spirit of anger that was invading my soul. I do appreciate the non-traditional approach, but is it just me or was this doctor lady completely out of line? I had never had a woman tell me I needed hair as my crown of glory. I expect that from the ignorant male ministers in church but not my doctor.

 

Please believe this is my last visit with home girl. I am sticking with white doctors who stay the HELL out of your fashion choices.

 

But the story has a good ending. She irrigated my ears…yeah they were a little backed up thanks to Q-tips. I can actually hear now!!! No more “Huh” or “You said what”.

 

I’m going to keep my hair short for as long as I want and I’m going to keep being JUST TAB!

Hello world…The Introduction

 

Instead of doing a standard about me section, I am pretending as if I’m being interviewed by some famous reporter. As you will soon see I can be quite delusional.

 

 

 

It’s such an honor to interview someone of your talent. Please introduce yourself to the readers who for some crazy reason don’t know who you are.

 

My name is Tabitha, but you can call me Tab or Tabby. I have been called (mostly by myself) The Greatest of All Time, Dat Pretty Pretty Gurl and The Great one.

 

I know being “Pretty” can be a full time job but what else do you do?

 

Do? Oh you mean as in work! Currently I mooch off my parents and the Federal Government, while attending Grad School at Temple. It sounds bad, but I promise I’ll get a job eventually.

 

Your parents should count it an honor to provide for their beautiful adult daughter. Since you have no 9-5 what is it that you do with your time?

 

Well, I really enjoy walks in the park; especially now when the weather is so nice. I like to read, my favorite genre is autobiographies/memoirs. My favorite author is Alice Walker. One of my biggest vices is reality television, can’t live without it. Some of my favorite shows are Bridezillas, G’s to Gent, Flippin out, Real World, Nancy Grace and the list goes on. I also enjoy staring at myself in the mirror, its hard to believe how good looking I am sometimes. I love Football especially FSU football and any time Terrell Owens playing. I spend a lot of time fantasizing about when Oppie (Oprah) and I will first meet.

 

Many of today’s youth have named you as their fashion icon. How would you describe your style?

 

I don’t think I have just one style, I go through different phases and my clothing reflects that. Most people would describe my style as preppy; I’m a sucker for any kind of collar shirts, sweater vests ad argyle. I do frequent the men and the little boys sections as well as the woman section. I describe the look derived from those sections as “gay boy chic”. If I am wearing male clothing, they musy be fitted, not into really baggy clothes. I try to make sure I throw on earrings, purse and lip gloss. I also like the rock star look: studded belts, skinny jeans and dunks or chucks. White “V” neck tees are a must have, have to keep a fresh tee around. I love to wear dresses, really short ones or long flowy ones. I am not really a big fan of girls shorts, unless they are kind of long. I hate to see people in really tight short shorts. Skirts or cool. But I prefer mini-skirts, if I am going to wear them. But mostly I just wear whatever I feel like. My favorite look is me directly after I come out of the shower or lotioning up, sadly you can’t walk around naked without being arrested.

 

Of course, the question on everyone minds, including me (wink, wink) …What’s your relationship status?

 

Single!

 

That should make people happy. Are you presently looking?

 

Not at all. I am really chilling. It would be nice to have some one to hold hands with on my walks in the park. Other than that I am good. But hey, who knows! Really, What I am looking for is a good boy who likes boys, they are the best.

 

But lets just say I’m also open.

 

Why are you doing a blog?

 

Mostly cause I have nothing better to do. Plus the fans demand it.

 

What should the dedicated fans (The Tabians) as well as the casual worshippers of your greatness expect to read in this blog?

 

A whole lot of bad writing and grammar. Ego stroking. Self-absorption and cockyness. Irrelevant looks at current events and politics. Gripping about reality television. Ignorant and culturally insensitive statements. Black Pride. A little preaching and a whole lot of venting. But most all of it will be Just Tab!

 

Thanks again for agreeing to do this interview with me. This was certainly the highlight of my career.