One of the biggest misconceptions about me is that I’m a social butterfly. I assure you this isn’t true, just some lie put out by the left-wing media to paint me as approachable. True, the majority of the time I do have a smile on my face or I am laughing, but that’s mostly because I am making fun of people in my head or thinking something very inappropriate. This unfortunately has given me a reputation as being friendly. Allow me to dispel this myth.
There is a wonderful piece of technology that allows me to keep my interaction with the public to a limit, while still remaining somewhat social. My blackberry. Through my blackberry I maintain contact via text messages, email, internet and most importantly the blackberry messaging to the world. I love the fact that I can respond or create emails will driving or wherever I am. Blackberry messaging allows me to share my love of making fun of the people I come in daily contact with to my friends. I can even send them pictures of the random “hot, ghetto mess” here in Philadelphia.
Lately is has become apparent that the blackberry has taken over my life. I am rapidly losing my ability to communicate with people face to face, it is so strange to interact with people who you primarily communicate through email or text messages actually speak. They have voices and all this body language, it can quite overwhelming. I barely even hear my friend’s voices, it’s always weird when they actually call me. I honestly can’t remember the last time Tamara called me or even if she has ever called me.
When friends actually are in my presence they have the tendency to become very disappointed with me. I am not as cute, charming or witty in person. Text messages allow me the opportunity to gather my thoughts and come up with a smart remark; it’s harder to do that in person when you are put on the spot. They expect me to laugh and be talkative; I barely use my voice anymore because all my communication is non-verbal (via the blackberry). Sometimes when I hear myself speaks its freaks me out, it has become such an unfamiliar sound.
The internet on my phone has also become a crutch; I get random urges to Google things during conversations. How many kids does Brad and Angelina have, what high school did Chad Johnson go to? These are important questions that need answers and through the blackberry they are only seconds away. I met a man at the club who claimed to be a football player, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to Google him and make sure his story was accurate. How can one be a proper gold digger without a blackberry?
I check facebook and myspace 145 times a day, people status updates alert me to world events. I have found that whenever I go to a club I end up with new facebook friends. The random people who jump in my pictures all want to be tagged, so why not just add them right there in the club. I have mastered the art of texting while dancing, cleaning, eating, driving, reading, kissing and basically everything else. I text message people even while I am in their presence, it’s easier to communicate that way. There are some things easier said via text. Plus it’s a great way to share private jokes without making the butt of the joke feel uncomfortable.
I try not to discriminate but it is hard for me to even think of letting a non-blackberry user become my friend or even date me. How are we suppose to develop a healthy relationship if I can’t use blackberry messenger to see if you have read my text messages? These non-blackberry users always feel disrespected on dates when I pay more attention to my phone. A blackberry user would know that I can handle multiple tasks on my phone while engaging in a conversation with them. Also, if I am using my blackberry a considerable amount of time when I am with you, it says more about you being uninteresting then about me being rude.
The first thing I reach for in the morning is my blackberry, I have to check the messages that I missed because my dumb body needed rest. As I try and focus on my morning devotionals, in the back of my mind all I am thinking of is my blackberry. It’s compromising my devotion to baby Jesus. I’m considering texting my prayers to him, I sound more sincere through writing. I am proud to say that the one place that I never take my blackberry is church; I can’t even place that type of temptation in front of me. The Devil is a liar.
My blackberry has become my refuge in uncomfortable social situations, I may not know anyone in a new environment but I can always count on my blackberry messenger friends to be there for me, for them to care about my every move (JG) and talk me through these unfamiliar social settings. I spent the first 45 minutes of watching the FSU game with the Seminole Alumni Association pried to my cell phone. It had been a while since I have been around so many preppy white people, I had to readjust myself. As more of my friends get blackberrys I see the problem getting bigger. I’m about to invest in a heating pad for my hand due to the carpo tundra syndrome I am sure I am developing.
One of my favorite pastimes has become blackberry TV watching. When you live alone you want to share some of the ridiculousness that is on TV today with others, but it’s frustrating trying to watch TV and talk on the phone with friends. Depending on what television show it is I communicate via the blackberry and text messages with 3-15 people through the course of the show. I like knowing what my friends are thinking about the show. By the end of the night my texting hand is exhausted. After faithfully watching Nancy Grace for months now and listening to her brilliant insights Tamara and I have almost found little Caylee Anthony.
I wrestled with the question; Do I really have a blackberry addiction? On the surface it appears that I might, but after taking a closer look under the surface I know the true issue. I just don’t like being in the presence of people. Sadly, we must communicate with people in order to survive. I am using my blackberry as a coping mechanism for my social apathy disorder. The first step is admitting there is a problem, right. I admit it. I am anti-social living my life through my blackberry. Sad, I know so I am adopting several ways to fix this problem.
1. No adding facebook friends in the club.
2. When I am in a new environment, I will reach out and make new friends. No depending on my blackberry messaging friends to get me through.
3. Call at least 2 people a week that our primary means of communication is blackberry messaging or text messaging. So that we can become comfortable with each other voices
4. Set the blackberry to go off from 12-8 am. Less temptation. I used to turn off my phone freshman year of college after 10:30 because no one needed to speak to me that late unless they wanted me to engage in fornication.
5. Limit active blackberry messaging conversations to 4 at a time.
6. Make a new friend who doesn’t have a blackberry each week.
7. Wait at least 20 minutes into the first date to decide if the person is interesting enough to pause my blackberry usage.
I understand this is not going to be an easy situation to fix. I am counting on the support from the Tabians as I journey into this world with part time blackberry usage. Sometimes even Great ones like myself have weakness, as great as I am (compared to you), I am only Just Tab!