Tag Archives: Black men

Sleep Deprivation, Misogyny and Thug life.


Around 3:30 am, Tuesday morning I pulled into a 7-11 somewhere in Maryland.

At this point, Mercedes and I had been driving for a couple of hours. She had to work that day so I told her she should sleep some.

Perhaps I should explain why I was in Maryland at 3am. I spent the previous weekend in Montreal for a Theatre conference. I should have been home Sunday night but due to bad weather, I missed my connecting flight in Toronto. I ended up at the hotel the airline got for me at 1:30 am, after landing in Toronto at 8:30pm. This meant no dinner for Tab. I have a lot of unkind things to say about Toronto’s airport and AirCanada but I can do that later. My new flight left Monday at 8:30am. Which meant I needed to be up before 6am to catch the shuttle to the airport.

Still wearing the same clothes from the previous day. I landed in Columbus at 10am.

Great. Tab can rest! Naw. Mercedes and I previously decided we would take her three nieces back to Philly on Monday. They had been staying with us for two weeks.  So I rented a car and drove to Philly, leaving a lot later than I originally planned. Remember I was supposed to be home Sunday night, in bed by 11pm. But since I am thug and driving long distance runs in my blood, the 8 hour drive (with kids) was not a problem.

Three kids, three different mommas meant I was playing bus driver making multiple stops. The run also included getting some of Mercedes stuff from her old place to bring back to Columbus. I had to pretend like being in a basement at after midnight didn’t scare this never had a basement Florida girl. Plus, I gotta impress my lady and show off my Crossfit strength.

Tab: “Don’t worry boo…what box you need? I got this.

You know I still aint really had meal since brunch the previous day. The thing about the drive to Philly, it is really expensive, $60 in tolls roundtrip. Damn, the Pennsylvania Turnpike. However, your girl was feeling bold and cheap. So I decided to take another route. Technically it was 45 min longer but would save $30. That’s like a lap dance and a half. We got on the road around 1 am but for some reason all the entrance to the highway was blocked. We spent almost an hour trying to get on. Remember, ya’ll I still haven’t really eaten or slept. The plan was to stop get some fruit for me during the drive. The first place was some rest stop type place. It was $5 for thing of grapes. Hell no. I ended getting a banana for free because the lady didn’t know how to charge me for it. So, since I was still hungry I stopped at the 7-eleven, I figured it would be cheaper.

Yeah. That was long intro. Hope you are still with me.

When I pulled up I notice this black man playing music in his car. He looked about 30ish. Nice beard and good build. I walked in and got what I came for. Mercedes is still in the car, half sleep. As I was in line, I noticed him talking to this woman. She was paying for her stuff and she appeared to either be going to work or just getting off.

She was clearly not interested in dude.

W: I’m married.

M: How long has that been a problem?

W: It’s not a problem for you, it aint a problem for me.

The man continues his advances.

Tab is in line behind them. And of course she has to say something.

Tab: “Yo, clearly she isn’t interested. Chill man”.

M: “Who the fuck was talking to you? Mind your fucking business.”

Can we just say that went from 15 to 100 real quick! I am not letting anybody talk to me like that. So me and dude went back and forth until he left. During this time he told me I was lucky the police was across the street and that I was a female. He also mentioned going to my car and getting at my girl. I pretty much told him he wasn’t going to do a god damn thing and he was an ignorant ass motha fucka…among other things. When I left he is staring at me smiling from his car. I pulled off and he attempts to try to follow me and scare me. He got stopped at a light and I sped off to the highway. I guess I will never know if he was really trying to follow me and do me harm or was just trying to scare me.

What bothered me the most about this situation was the (lack of) response of the other two Black men present. When the guy left, the clerk asks me if I knew him. I tell him hell no, I have never seen that man before. The clerk tells me I am “a tough lady.” He tells me that guy has been bothering every women that walked in and he should have left her alone because she said she was married. I told him even if she wasn’t married he should have left her alone.

As I drove away I reflected on how vulnerable women are in this world. This man watched another man verbal harass several women and threaten to assault me. Yet, he did nothing and said nothing. He could have easily asked the man to leave the store or even called the cops (who were camped out in the parking lot across the street). But he didn’t. Him and the other employee sat silently by despite knowing the man was wrong.

I am left wondering where are the men who will interrupt patriarchy and misogyny. Who will say not on my watch, not in front of me. Who will make it their business to speak up. I want my brothers to know that their silence makes them complicit. That their silence will never protect them.

Until then I guess I will have to stay on my thug life swag.

While I can joke about this now. I do want to acknowledge how scared I was. In that moment, I didn’t have the luxury to show fear.

I have never directly experience such aggression from a man. The reality was I had no clue where I was, what this man was capable of and despite the other men presence, I was alone.

I drove away fully awake but oh so tired.



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I decided…

I move at my own speed.

My parents learn early on that I won’t do anything unless I am ready to. Until I am moved to do it.

The million ads for the upcoming election, guilt speeches, merchandise and political coverage has not swayed me or made me want to decide to vote for a candidate.

I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t moved. I didn’t care.

Not that I care now about either candidate.

But what I do care about is Black People.

I heart America.

But my blood flows for and because of Black people.

With that being said, I could not attend the Congressional Black Caucus. See thousands of black people on their grind, with their power suits and blackberry’s working for the advancement of my race. Go to seminars about the problems/solutions for the black community. What was needed in our community, what was working and what was failing? Hear my people, see my people and not wonder what I was doing to help our cause.  Be motivated by the call to arms, to fix our community.

Walk around and see the Obama pins attached to the suits, the Obama paraphernalia being sold, the Obama chants and not feel the enthusiasm of my people. I haven’t seen black people this excited and united since the OJ verdict. This is even more significant because this excitement didn’t involve the penal system.

So I decided.

I decided that if voting for this man would energize black people, instill a sense of pride and bring “hope” to my people.

That if voting for him makes some black boy believe that he can be anything in the world. That he can achieve greatness. That when a  Black parent tells their child they can be anything in the world they believe it. That if voting for Barack shows America that a functioning black family is the norm rather than the exception. If it makes one black man think about marrying his girlfriend or baby mama,  cause he wants to make her his “Michelle”, his life partner cause Barack did.

I argued that the only reason that black men supported Barack is because they saw him as an extension of their black masculinity and that it was a purely ego induced support. So what? My Black brothers have been beaten down so  much they deserve a little ego stroking, rebuild some of the confidence that was lost by the years of emasculation they endured by the popular culture. I love the pride that shines through them when they speak of Barack.

I didn’t have this crazy change of heart and suddenly become his biggest supporter. I am not fully over the Jeremiah Wright incident and the symptoms of Bitchassness, Barack displayed.

I will be honest. The size of his ears freaks me out, although I know he can’t control the size of them. I would still really like if he got them pin closer to his head.  It will be hard watching those ears on presidential addresses if he does get elected.

I don’t agree with Barack on a lot of issue. I still believe that atmosphere surrounding him is of messianic proportion. That he can’t possible do all the things that people expect and save us from the evil republicans. But if he does just 2% of what people expect, inspired just one kid, or better yet spark the mind of someone and commit them to change the world. Then that’s more than enough in my book.

I love Black people, more then I love my political affiliations. I hold Black people closer to my heart then I hold particular election issues. So if my people believe that Obama is the right man for us and the nation, that’s more than enough for me.

I won’t be difficult, I won’t be different. I choose us instead of me. So if Barrack ends up being the worse president ever, I will be ok. Because sometimes if the ship is going to sink it’s better to go down with everyone, then to be safe on the shore alone.

Everyone has their own reasons why they vote for a candidate and these are mine.

I ordered my absentee ballot.

It’s official. My vote is with Barack Hussein Obama.

He doesn’t get a free ride. He still must be held accountable for his policies and actions by the black community, the nation and even the rest of the world. We must challenge him in order to assure he stays on point. But he does get my vote.

Don’t expect me to be wearing any Obama merchandise though….

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Posted by on October 7, 2008 in Learning bout Tab!, politics, Them Black people


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