Blocked

Blocked.

Not in the social media sense. Though I am all about blocking people as a self-care practice.

But Blocked in the sense that I am not able to write.

The thoughts that are in my mind have not easily translated to the written word.

So here are some thoughts.

I turn 30 at the end of this year.

They tell me that is a big deal.

I agree.

Not everyone makes it to 30.

Mike-Mike didn’t.

Tamir didn’t.

Renisha didn’t.

Mya didn’t.

Marshawn didn’t.

The list goes on and on.

I mean I aint even make it…yet.

I had so many plans for where I would be by now.

I wanted more figured out. More accomplished.

I still got time to change some things but I feel blocked.

Stuck.

But maybe it is a sign to be patient. To be still and think about the things I have done.

To be still and think about the things I have done.

The people I have loved. The places I experienced.

The places I experienced.

They say people are a mess in their 20’s.

I say people don’t start looking right until their 30’s.

You know Tab likes them older.

They tend to grow into themselves and find a level of self-acceptance that only increases with their age.

I am looking forward to that.

If I am 30 that means people gotta take me serious.

I gotta take myself serious.

No more blaming my recklessness on my youth.

Tomorrow I am going to New Orleans.

I have never been.

It is part of my list of things I want to do before 30.

1. Visit 3 new places
2. Go skinny dipping.
3. Skydive
4. Cuba and Brazil for my birthday

The rest of the list are personal growth things like unapologetically engage in practices of radical love for self and others.

Can’t be going into 30 with the baggage from yesteryears.

This means doing the work.

Even when I feel blocked.

Or especially when I feel blocked.

I’m looking around at how lucky I am to be alive right now.

Hamilton reminds me to look at where I am and where I started, the fact that I am alive is a miracle.

And if I can stay alive that would be enough.

Because I am enough.

 

~JustTab